hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
