everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
