Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
