So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
