But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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