Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
