Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
