I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
