no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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