just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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