I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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