cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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