If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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