Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
