I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
