Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
