i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
