Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
