I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
