Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
