Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
