Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think i got beer on your cat.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
