You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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