As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
