so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
