Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
