I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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