I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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