That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
