If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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