Soap is not a condiment
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
