Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
