My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
