who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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