i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
