would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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