You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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