If i come over, it means nothing
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
