TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
