Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
