You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
