I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
