The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
