I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
