Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
