apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
