my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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