i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
