So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
