I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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