Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
