after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
