I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
